01 November 2016
Sickness and I'm so, so, so tired! Morning sickness has hit me like a brick this week and I also seem to be really struggling at night time too - I feel very nauseous and the only way I can get rid of it is to eat something and sleep it off. Work has been a struggle as nobody still knows, so coming in after being so sick in a morning and pretending like I'm ok, has been hard. On the Thursday, I had an episode of being suddenly very sick in the evening after I'd put Alfie to bed. I got a pain in my tummy and the next thing I knew, I was being sick! It's really taking it out of me!
This week, the baby is the size of a lentil. Despite being so small it's heart is now beating at around 150 times a minute - which is double the rate of my heart. It's hands and feet are still like paddles and there are dark spots where the eyes and nose will form. It's also got little buds on the side of it's head, which will develop into the ears.
How I'm feeling?
I feel wiped out and getting through work is a struggle, all I want to do when I get in is curl up and put my pj's on and sleep. Michael has been amazing, but I never expected anything less. He's been getting in from work and making his own tea as I've not been up to it and he's taken charge of Alfie too and got his tea ready if he's needed some and done the bed and bath routine (he does this anyway) but then he's keeping on top of the house and washing as best he can too. I don't know where I'd be without him.
By the time we got to the weekend, I was so wiped out and I'd started being sick / heaving every morning and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. We were supposed to be having the family round for Michael's birthday, but I just didn't feel up to it, so he suggested that we cancelled it. I felt terrible as I like to make a big fuss of him, so having to cancel made me really upset and I did cry about what let down I felt, but he was brilliant and told me not to be so silly and the family were really understanding too.
On his actually birthday, I felt ok for the first time in quite a while, so we managed to get out and have a pub lunch and I really enjoyed it, so I took a bit of comfort in the fact that I'd not spoiled his birthday, but we'd at least managed to get out of the house and go for a nice lunch.
I've not really had cravings as such, but at the start of the week all I wanted was toast and then one morning, walking down the stairs, the smell of it made me so sick and I've not really been able to eat it since! I have been eating lots of potato waffles though, which I craved with Alfie too. I'm off tea again, which also happened with Alfie and I'm really missing it.
I've also been really emotional this week. I've been crying over the silliest things. On Saturday, Michael took Alfie out for a little bit and I was lay on the couch feeling really rough and I was watching something and it made me burst in to tears and I couldn't stop. I've cried quite a bit in the morning's too before work cos I've just felt so ill. One of the main reasons I don't drink is because I hate the feeling of being hungover / sick, so I am finding it really hard at the moment. I just keep willing me to get to 12 weeks when the sickness will (hopefully) stop!
Right now though that feels like it's so far away!