7 Weeks Pregnant - Baby Number 2

Due Date:

01 November 2016

Symptoms?

The usual sickness and tiredness. I honestly feel so tired. I just have no energy. I'm still falling asleep on the couch at night as soon as Michael takes Alfie up for a bath and on the two days in the week that I'm at home in the afternoon's, I'm getting Alfie to have some quiet time just so I can lay on the couch and rest. The sickness has been back this week, mainly in the morning's before work which I'm really struggling with and I had a really bad episode on Saturday afternoon. I'd had a glass of fresh orange whilst Michael and Alfie had gone to the pie shop for dinner. I managed three mouthful's before having to run upstairs - it's the worst sickness I'd had yet and I do think it's down to the orange as the last time I had it I'd also had a bad sickness episode. This which resulted in me spending all day and night on the couch and phoning in sick to work on the Sunday. I felt so rough and it was made worse by the fact I'd barely eaten or drank anything. I felt so bad for phoning in sick, but I hadn't moved for a day and I had zero energy and could barely open my eyes - it had really knocked me for six!

How's baby?

This little pickle is now about the size of a blueberry, which is still so small! It's fingers and toes are webbed and it will be jumping about all over the place. Interestingly, by week 7, the embryo has already gone through three sets of kidney's, but they'll start to grow their final set this week.

How I'm feeling?

Honestly? I feel rubbish! I'm feeling sick most of the time, I'm being sick or heaving most morning's, I've no energy to do anything but mostly I feel guilt. Guilt that I can't be the Mummy Alfie deserves because I'm so rough all the time, guilty that he has to come down to give me a kiss night night because I've no energy to crawl the stairs, guilt that I'm relying so heavily on Michael to do everything including all the cooking when he's been at work all day. I know how precious this time is and I'm really trying to remind myself that the sickness means that the baby is growing as it should, but I feel helpless. I'm worried about the strain I'm putting on Michael with all the added pressure and upset that I've no energy to do anything with Alfie and all I want to do is sleep.

I'm finding it really hard. Especially on my long days at work (I work three full days 8-5 and two half days 8-12). I don't want to wish the time away as this well could be the last time I'm pregnant, but I just want this feeling to go and for me to have some energy so I can start to enjoy it more.

This is hard.

6 Weeks Pregnant - Baby Number 2

Due Date?

01 November 2016

Symptoms?

Sickness and I'm so, so, so tired! Morning sickness has hit me like a brick this week and I also seem to be really struggling at night time too - I feel very nauseous and the only way I can get rid of it is to eat something and sleep it off. Work has been a struggle as nobody still knows, so coming in after being so sick in a morning and pretending like I'm ok, has been hard. On the Thursday, I had an episode of being suddenly very sick in the evening after I'd put Alfie to bed. I got a pain in my tummy and the next thing I knew, I was being sick! It's really taking it out of me!

How's Baby?

This week, the baby is the size of a lentil. Despite being so small it's heart is now beating at around 150 times a minute - which is double the rate of my heart. It's hands and feet are still like paddles and there are dark spots where the eyes and nose will form. It's also got little buds on the side of it's head, which will develop into the ears.

How I'm feeling?

I feel wiped out and getting through work is a struggle, all I want to do when I get in is curl up and put my pj's on and sleep. Michael has been amazing, but I never expected anything less. He's been getting in from work and making his own tea as I've not been up to it and he's taken charge of Alfie too and got his tea ready if he's needed some and done the bed and bath routine (he does this anyway) but then he's keeping on top of the house and washing as best he can too. I don't know where I'd be without him.

By the time we got to the weekend, I was so wiped out and I'd started being sick / heaving every morning and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. We were supposed to be having the family round for Michael's birthday, but I just didn't feel up to it, so he suggested that we cancelled it. I felt terrible as I like to make a big fuss of him, so having to cancel made me really upset and I did cry about what  let down I felt, but he was brilliant and told me not to be so silly and the family were really understanding too.

On his actually birthday, I felt ok for the first time in quite a while, so we managed to get out and have a pub lunch and I really enjoyed it, so I took a bit of comfort in the fact that I'd not spoiled his birthday, but we'd at least managed to get out of the house and go for a nice lunch.

I've not really had cravings as such, but at the start of the week all I wanted was toast and then one morning, walking down the stairs, the smell of it made me so sick and I've not really been able to eat it since! I have been eating lots of potato waffles though, which I craved with Alfie too. I'm off tea again, which also happened with Alfie and I'm really missing it.

I've also been really emotional this week. I've been crying over the silliest things. On Saturday, Michael took Alfie out for a little bit and I was lay on the couch feeling really rough and I was watching something and it made me burst in to tears and I couldn't stop. I've cried quite a bit in the morning's too before work cos I've just felt so ill. One of the main reasons I don't drink is because I hate the feeling of being hungover / sick, so I am finding it really hard at the moment. I just keep willing me to get to 12 weeks when the sickness will (hopefully) stop!

Right now though that feels like it's so far away!

5 Weeks Pregnant - Baby Number 2

Due Date:

01 November 2016

How is baby?

The baby is currently the size of a sesame seed and when I think of that, it's just crazy. It's so incredibly tiny! His / Her heart is developing and this week will split into chambers and the buds which will go on to form it's arms and legs, will start to sprout. Right now, it looks more like a tadpole than a baby!

Symptoms?

I had no symptoms all week until the Saturday afternoon when I was sick for the first time and I felt dreadful, to the point where I was curled on the couch in tears cos I felt so rough. I think the sickness was actually caused due to tiredness though because Michael had been on a night out the night before with work, and I couldn't settle until I knew he was home. As I'd only gone to sleep so late (or rather early - the birds were tweeting), I only got up about 11 and I think because I'd not eaten, my blood sugar was really low, which caused the sickness. Once I'd been sick and I'd eaten some toast, I did start to feel better.

I've still been testing every day - it's just such a comfort to me right now and it's the only way I know that I'm pregnant. I don't like that you don't get to see a midwife until much later on and they kind of just take your word for it when you contact them. Testing daily or every couple of days is just my way of feeling in control. We found out so early on and testing gives me reassurance.

How I'm feeling?

I'm feeling really good, apart from the blip on Saturday. I've still got an appetite and no symptoms at all really. I went out for a friends leaving meal this week and I was supposed to be having a drink as I was off the next day, but obviously I couldn't, so I had to lie about that. I think one of my friends may have suspected as he kept winding me up about being pregnant, but I played it down as much as I could. I'm still testing every day and I think it's just for that peace of mind really because other than those two lines on a stick, you don't get any other confirmation from anyone until 12 weeks, which right now seems forever away!

With feeling so rough on Saturday and having a bit of a meltdown, we decided to tell Alfie that I had a baby in my tummy. I don't think he quite understood but we had been talking about it lots anyway to prepare him. Hopefully as I grow, he'll understand it a lot more.

This week, we also had Mother's Day and this is the day we chose to tell our families. I bought Alfie a t-shirt which says 'I can't keep calm, I'm going to be a big brother' which he wore under his jacket. We were going to Michael's parents first and his sister, brother in law and kids were there, so we figured it would be the perfect time to tell them. The plan was for us to give my MIL her cards / presents and then we was going to say that Alfie had something to tell everyone...However, the reality was very different. We arrived and as we walked in, Michael went to put our coats in the kitchen and I sat down, just as Alfie said, to nobody in particular 'Mummy's got a baby in her tummy' I panicked and shouted Michael and my sister in law asked Alfie what he'd said, so he repeated it and Michael and I sat there nervously laughing until the penny dropped with people. I wish I'd have filmed the reactions! We were asked the usual questions of when I'm due, how far am I, have I had any sickness etc. It was nice to be able to tell them and it be out in the open.

Later on at my mum's, Alfie was the complete opposite and didn't say anything until prompted. We'd given Mum her cards and presents and then I asked Alfie if he had anything to tell Nana and he said 'Baby' so I had to ask him where and he said ' in mummy's tummy'. My Mum's reaction was priceless, she was thrilled and jumped up to me straight away and started welling up, then my Dad and sister both come over to give me hugs too and everyone was really excited. I had got Mum a card which said Happy Mothers Day from the Granchildren, which I gave her once she knew and she loved it. I loved telling her that I'd been keeping a secret from them as they all think I can't hold my own water, so it was nice to prove them wrong ;)

It was such a relief to be able to tell our family, but I had loved keeping it a secret for those 10 days for just Michael and I.

4 Weeks Pregnant - Baby Number 2!

We've got a little secret... I honestly cannot believe that I'm starting this who amazing journey again!

Due Date;

(By my estimation) 01 November 2016

Symptoms:

Sore boobs! This is actually what led me to test so early because it's just so unlike me and in my head there was only one possible explanation! I've also started to feel tired in the evening's - literally as soon as I found out, I just wanted to sleep!

How I'm feeling:

On top of the world! And still in complete and utter shock!

The night after we found out, we had a date night planned and it couldn't have come at a better time. It's actually the first time that Alfie has stayed out over night for at least 18 months, if not more. So we made the most of it and went to an Italian and I was so careful about what I had to eat. I had to forego a starter of dough sticks and blue cheese which is my absolute favourite, but I didn't care. Knowing I had to protect this little tiny pip inside me was so much more important. We had a wonderful night and it literally all we talked about all night. At some points I felt my eyes filling with tears as we discussed the future and how amazing it's going to be seeing Alfie become a big brother. He will always be our baby and the one who made us parents, but since we got married in 2014, we have both really wanted another baby to add to our family.

We chatted and thought about ways to tell Alfie and ways to tell the family. Michael's birthday is on the 14 March and we'd planned to have the family round, as we always do for birthday's. One of the idea's Michael had was to buy a little baby grow and wrap it up and for me to give it him to open on the day of the party and for him to say something like, Oh, this isn't for me, it's for our new baby which is due in November.  Initially, we loved that idea but over the next few days, I wondered if it was the right thing to do, telling our whole family together. The more I thought about it, the more I thought that our parents may want to find out on their own.  This meant we went back to our original idea of telling our families on Mothers' Day.

I couldn't wait.

Me and Mine - April 2016

What a month!

I feel like I've been waiting for this month since February as I knew this was the month we could finally announce our second pregnancy!

I'm not going to lie, this first trimester has really, really kicked my butt. I've struggled so much more this time around than I did with Alfie. I'm still being sick most days, I'm still completely wiped out in the evening's, I've not cooked a proper meal for about 10 weeks...I can't wait until this feeling passes and I can start to enjoy this pregnancy because so far, it's been really tough.

I've struggled a lot this month. I've struggled with guilt over not being a good mummy or wife. I feel like I've totally neglected the boys as I've been going to sleep as soon as I can in the evening's, meaning I've had very little time with Michael and I've not been the Mummy Alfie deserves. I've not had the energy to do much as by the time we get to weekend, I feel so wiped out that I've just wanted to stay home and relax, so we haven't really done any of the things that I wanted to do. That said, this month has made me realise more than ever just how lucky I am to have my boys. Alfie has been really good at taking care of me, bringing me a glass of water every morning and he's been really understanding when I've just wanted to cuddle on the couch with him instead of playing, or cooking etc. As for Michael - I don't even know where to begin. He's been my absolute rock. Since the sickness kicked in, he's literally done everything - working full time, looking after Alfie (and me), making tea every night (pre pregnancy, his tea would be on the table when he walked in) he's been doing the housework, the washing... Everything. I'm so grateful to have him! I couldn't wish to be sharing this journey with a better man.

It's not all been doom and gloom this month though as we finally got to see our little baby for the 1st time at my 12 week scan. It was as incredible as the first time we saw Alfie and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I got confirmation that there's only one little bub in there! ;)

Once we'd had the scan and we knew everything was ok, I couldn't wait to announce it. I've found it really hard to keep it a secret - not only because I've already got a little bump which I've found harder and harder to hide, but because I've felt so dreadful that it's been hard to keep a secret from my work mates! I was just so relieved that it could finally be out in the open.

I posted this picture on facebook to announce our news.

We were totally overwhelmed with all the comments we got from everyone and we were really touched by all the congratulatory messages we got. I felt very loved!

I absolutely love this picture of my gorgeous boy kissing my tummy. I was so proud.

My hopes of getting a lovely picture of us all didn't go to plan, so it was a last minute job (again) but it's us and that's all that matters (and I promise Alfie is more excited about being a big brother than this picture lets on) ;)

So that's us in April. I'm hoping I feel better for May as I celebrate my 30th and I really hope I'm able to enjoy it without feeling so terrible every day! I keep telling myself that my feeling so bad is a sign that the baby is growing strong, which is the only comfort I can take from the past few weeks.

Here is hoping for a better May.

*linking up with Lucy at dear beautiful boy

Four!

It was just an ordinary Thursday. It was the 25 February. I'd worked all day, picked Alfie up from nursery, come home made tea, the usual, nothing special at all. Once Alfie had gone to bed, I decided to go and have a bath as I felt really drained.

All week I'd had really sore boobs, which is not like me at all. On a whim, I decided to do a pregnancy test (we have been trying). I hadn't even told Michael that I was going to do it and I only did it so I could rule out why my boobs were sore - I thought I'd just been wearing my bra's too tight!

I only had some really cheap tests that Michael got me off eBay ages ago. So, I did a wee and I waited and waited... Until I saw it.

POSITIVE!

What??!! I grabbed the packet to make sure I was reading the result right. I did a second test just to make sure... then I did a third. I still didn't believe it.

All had the same positive result. Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I couldn't be, could I? I tentatively went down to Michael. I was very wary of getting his hopes up, but I needed him to go to the shop to get me another one as I really didn't believe these eBay ones were accurate.

As soon as I told him I'd done three tests, all of which were positive, he jumped up and threw his arms around me. I had to tell him to calm down as I wasn't certain yet. He grabbed his keys and wallet and dashed out to Sainsburys' and was back within 15  minutes! I went upstairs to do another test and that one also said positive. I went downstairs, holding the test in my hand, tears streaming down my face. Michael turned round and saw me and the biggest grin spread across his face. We were both totally and utterly in shock. I couldn't stop crying. I was just so totally and utterly shocked. I quickly worked out that the first proper attempt at trying this year had worked and I'd got pregnant that first time. Still in complete and utter shock, I decided I wanted to do the clear blue test to see how far along I was. Back upstairs I went. What is it about the digital ones which take an absolute age? I sat there for what felt like forever until I saw the words 'Pregnant' followed by 1-2 weeks. Sitting there on the bathroom floor, I was in complete and disbelief. I turned and saw Michael coming up the stairs and he asked if I now believed it. What is it about seeing the word 'pregnant' which make it more believable than two lines on a stick?

The rest of the evening was just lovely. Filled with lots of happy tears and smiles, both of us completely shell shocked!

With Alfie we told everyone straight away, so this time, we decided we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while and enjoy it. Enjoy having a secret that only we knew about, something that was just for us, husband and wife. It was the most amazing secret to be keeping!

Our family is growing! Our beautiful baby boy is going to be a big brother!

The cheap ebay tests which I didn't believe

So I did two more...Just to be sure

{The Ordinary Moments #17} Becoming Four

This week has been anything but ordinary...

We always knew that we wanted Alfie to have a sibling somewhere down the line. I remember him being a tiny little new born and we were totally wrapped up in that newborn bubble of sleepless nights, feeding, changing, visitors, finding our feet and learning how to take care of this little person. The utterly exhausting totally euphoric few weeks, where all the days merge into one and the months go by so fast that you wish it could slow down. We have had three and a half wonderful years of being parents to Alfie and over the last year or so, we've talked seriously about expanding our family.

Back in February, our dreams became reality as I saw those two lines appear on the pregnancy test (and the six I did thereafter). It's been so hard to keep it a secret, but now that secret is finally out in the open.

Although I've done all this before, I was still incredibly nervous on Thursday - scan day. I needn't have worried though as everything is good and baby is growing as s/he should be. It was totally wonderful to be able to see our little baby on the sonographer's screen and it made it all feel very, very real. Even though I've suffered really badly this time and had really bad sickness, I still felt such a wave of relief, seeing that little tiny baby on that screen. Every time I looked over at Michael, I could see the excitement in his face.

I am so incredibly lucky to be sharing this journey with him and he's just been amazing in looking after both me and Alfie over the last few weeks.

Keep growing strong little one. We can't wait to meet you.

*linking up with Katie at Mummy Daddy and me makes three